Motivation without criticism: Recognize the effort

When a task is not solved, it is tempting to repeat the message louder. However, scolding rarely makes the task itself more understandable. A more sustainable approach is to investigate what is hindering the child and help them take the next concrete step.

Praise what the child can influence

"You're so good at it," sounds kind, but doesn't tell the child what worked. Instead, try:

• "You started without a reminder."

• "You kept going, even though it was a bit difficult."

• "It helped us that the table was set."

This type of feedback connects effort to its importance. The Children's Conditions recommends clear adults who tell and acknowledge the good the child is doing, and use positive instructions to show what the child can do next time.

Find the cause before the consequence

A forgotten responsibility can be due to many things: the task was too big, the timing was unclear, the child was absorbed by something else, or they didn't know how to start.

Ask calmly: "What made it difficult today?" The answer doesn't automatically exempt the child from the task, but it helps you choose the right solution.

Break down the task

"Clean the bathroom" can become:

1. Put the towels in the washing machine.

2. Dry the washing machine.

3. Change the trash bag.

Once the steps have been learned, they can be combined into one task again. In the Hjerterum, a brief description can make the expectation clear before the child starts.

Rewards should not be left alone.

Hearts or other symbols can make progress visible, but numbers also speak of the real value: that the family had more time together, that the pet was taken care of, or that someone else was relieved.

If the child only helps for the reward, you can gradually shift the focus from "What will I get?" to "Who will it help?" Hjerterum is built around the very idea of making a difference.

When the task needs to be changed

Be specific and respectful: "There are still two plates on the table. Take them with you, and the task will be complete." It's easier to take action than saying, "You never do things properly."

Responsibility is developed through many small experiments. The adult holds the frame while the child has space to grow into it.

Sources

• Børns Vilkår: Sådan er du en tydelig forælder

• Børns Vilkår: Små børns oplevelser af skældud i familien